I know a lot of people say this, but when I say I only watch the Super Bowl for the ads, I really mean it. I won't get into why this throw-the-oval-thing-stop-throw-the-oval-thing-stop-take-an-ad-break-every-two-minutes shit doesn't deserve to be called football. The only football I recognise is the sport that EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE WORLD except Americans refer to as football, you know, the one that actually involves a real ball and actual feet. However, that being said, the last quarter of this year's Super Bowl was undeniably legendary, the kinda stuff that only happens in sports movies. Hate to admit it, but I actually became an NFL fan for fifteen minutes. The seemingly-invincible Patriots after leading throughout most of the low-scoring game, picked up 4 quick points to extend their lead over the giants 14-10 and seemed poised for victory with only minutes to go, but then learned at the worst possible moment that it's only a perfect season if you win the last game, and the Manning Bros. now have a matching set of finger jewellery. You couldn't script this stuff.
Before the final six minutes, the highlight of the game for me had been the lovely Jordin Sparks, daughter of former NY Giant Phillipi Sparks and the youngest winner of American Idol to date, KILLING her performance of the Star-Spangled Banner; by the time she was done I think even she knew she 'killt dat ish'.
Sweet 'n' thick like Betty Condensed Milk. For my money, her version was right up there with Whitney Houston's spine-tingling rendition at the '91 Super Bowl during Operation Desert Storm, in vocal delivery if not emotional connect. Great job... and just in time too, because the song she has out right now, Tattoo, although age-appropriate for her in terms of saccharine sappiness, is not what she needed to build buzz. To avoid slipping below the horizon, she needs to remind people that she really can sing, and this performance did just that. With a more sophisticated songwriter and the right songs to showcase her range, there's no reason she can't meet or exceed the high standards set by former Idol Kelly Clarkson, given time. From all accounts Alicia Keys definitely did her thing as well earlier in the pre-game show, but I didn't get to see her performance... I'll have to check it out online later before it inevitably gets pulled from YouTube for copyright infringement.
Now for the main event, as far as I'm concerned: the commercials. This year's crop was better (and weirder) than what we've seen in recent years, with a definite emphasis on surrealistic comedy. Madison Avenue must be currently inundated by a cloud of ganja smoke to turn out some of the definitely "weeded" ads that premiered during this year's game. Check them out for yourself at MySpace's Super Bowl Ads page. Below I've listed my ten favourite spots this year, in ascending order:
10. Coca-Cola - To tell the truth, I just liked seeing Stewie get his come-uppance at the hands of Charlie Brown... finally something goes right for Schulz' lovable peanut-headed loser.
9. Vitamin Water - Shaq as an enormous jockey, I defy you to tell me what's not funny about that.
8. Budweiser - Clydesdale rejected from the wagon team does '80s-style training montage to get ready for next year, with Dalmatian playing Mickey to his Rocky, at the end give each other a high-five (high-hoof? high-paw?)
7. Etrade.com - Funny talking baby = comedy gold.
6. Cars.com - "You should definitely step outside the circle.... yeah... just to avoid any confusion...." Hilarious.
5. Tide To Go - incredibly stupid ad, should really be annoying but is funny as hell
4. Bud Light - Apparently drinking Bud Light gives you superpowers, like breathing fire and flying.
3. Toss-up between Bridgestone and FedEx - screaming squirrels vs. giant carrier pigeons, you make the call.
2. Sobe Lifewater - This ad should really be number 1, just based on the sheer WTF factor alone. Lizards doing the zombie dance routine from Thriller while Naomi Campbell does her best Beyonce moves. I get the feeling that this will come out as the fan-pick of the night, but my vote goes to:
1. Diet Pepsi Max - Not gonna spoil it for you if you haven't seen it, but it's funny funny stuff.
There were also a couple great trailers for Wanted, which looks like a slick spy movie starring Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman; Prince Caspian, the second chapter in The Chronicles of Narnia; and Will Ferrell's latest fratboy farce, Semi-Pro. Iron Man looks pretty good too, but I'm more of a DC fan.
The losers of the night: Carlos Mencia doing his usual racist spiel. Mencia is not funny. Other observations: Justin Timberlake is a tool.
Click here to see Danica Patrick's beaver.
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